I became a mom at age 21 at a time when I was not remotely “ready” for a child. Regardless of my immature state, I now had a little boy depending on me. We basically grew up together. 17 years later in my late 30’s, along came a girl. She was 2 months old at my son’s high school graduation. I do not recommend combining the grief of having your firstborn complete a major milestone while simultaneously experiencing pregnancy-associated hormonal imbalances. I was an emotional wreck there for a while!

My current status is parenting an adult and a kindergartener. Yesterday I was on the phone with my son discussing meal planning and hearing how well business was for the day and had to let him go so I could participate in an impromptu easter egg hunt . They both still need me in their own way and I’m here for it.

My daughter definitely came into the picture after I had worked hard for years at maintaining stability.  It would be fair to say she got a much better different version of me. Although still a work in progress, I am now less selfish and more patient.

My son arrived unexpectedly during a chaotic season of my life. I had been nursing an addiction since since my early teens and did not have a clue how to be in a solid relationship. I cleaned up temporarily when he was born but it did not take me long to return to the madness. I felt trapped, but I knew I had to get free because I now had someone depending on me.

It took several years, but I eventually got to where I could be a safe, reliable parent. At that point I had to make up for lost time and get through school so I could provide for our needs. I remember my son asking me to play when I was studying and having to turn him away. He stormed off shouting, “I HATE NURSING SCHOOL!” ----me too buddy, me too.

After years of single parenting, our family of 2 became 3. The transition was a little rocky after being so used to living without having another adult in the picture. There’s an element of dysfunction within single-parent households that isn’t apparent until another person comes along and points it out. I had a hard time trusting my hubby with my son’s heart.

My daughter came along a few years later just as my son was transitioning to living on his own. My emotions were all over the place as I learned to let “go” while simultaneously bonding with my new little human. So much time had lapsed since my son was born that caring for a baby felt like a brand new experience.

A year before she was born, I surprised myself when my eyes filled with tears at a dance recital when watching the littlest performers move around on stage. It was that moment I became aware of my desire to have a little girl of my own one day. The Lord granted me the desire of my heart shortly after that night.

Having a small child in the house motivates me to take care of myself. I am acutely aware of my need to keep up with her for many years to come. It has been restorative to be raising her WITH the help of my husband this time. Single parenting is HARD.

I am so thankful for the close relationship I have with my son. He lives on his own, but we typically talk multiple times a day. I truly enjoy “us!” A family friend/mother taught me once to “pray not say” when parenting adult children. That has stuck with me when I’m tempted to give unsolicited advice.

Although my kids have a large age gap between them, they were given to me at very specific moments of my life. The Lord knows what I need, and his timing is perfect. I don’t always get it right, but am trying to be intentional as I shepherd their hearts. I don’t have all the answers, but I will always point my kiddos toward the Lord and teach them that He is our ONLY hope.